Friday, August 26, 2011

...on the hardest job I have ever had

Seriously-the hardest job ever.  You know what I'm talking about, being a mom.  As I type this my baby is lying in his bed screaming/going down for his morning nap.  When the screaming starts the guilt/doubt sets in..."should I let him cry?  How long should I let him cry?  Is he tired?  I know he has to be tired" and the list goes on and on and on and on and on.  There has been a lot of screaming and crying in our house this week.  We have had our first sickness, three teeth at once and, Jack started crawling-that's a lot of stuff going on in one week.  I think the hardest thing about being a mom is that you are constantly doubting yourself.  At least I do.  (He just went to sleep....yeessssss!-See, I knew he was tired!)  The crazy part is, we haven't even gotten into the actual "parenting" part of begin parents.  Jack is just now crossing over into the age that will require parenting, discipline, and guidance.  That's a whole new ball game!  I have found myself dong my best to cover my days in prayer and trust God to give me wisdom even in the small day-to-day decisions.  Admittedly, I do not always succeed.  It's funny because I have never really been one to worry or stress over much but it seems like a lot of that has changed in the last nine months.  I don't stress about Jack getting sick, or hurt, or anything like that.  I think what I stress about is whether or not the decisions I make are the right decisions for Jack.  Even as I type this I'm kind of laughing at myself because what I just wrote sounds so crazy!  Maybe I just need to take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and trust myself, trust the Lord, and just ENJOY this time that I have with Jackson.  I'm sure someday we will have other children and I won't' be able to have uninterrupted time with Jackson.  Phew, ok...I feel like that rant flowed much better in my head so sorry if that was confusing or kind of a "downer".

On the flip side......the BEST job I have ever had is the one that I have right now.  There have been so many times lately when I am driving in my car and I can't help but smile.  I am doing exactly what I have always wanted to do-what I was created for.  I have the best job ever.  I get to be a wife, mom, and homemaker.  More on that later...

Happy Friday!

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